Sunday, August 30, 2009

Correcting the Record...

Well, it’s official. Mr. Grumble has lodged his first-ever complaint!

My husband has been the focus of dozens of my newspaper columns over the years. I’ve teased about his house-keeping skills. I’ve blabbed about his idiosyncrasies. I’ve chuckled over his lack of grace, his shyness, and his typical maleness. I’ve told my readers about his love of junk and how his pat-rack tendencies irritate me, and I’ve even shared the story about the time he picked up a half-frozen dog turd, thinking it was a rock.

Oh, dear. That one still gets to me. Pardon me while I giggle in glee at the memory of that day! It’s just that…oh, the expression on his face! The utter horror as his fingers sunk into the ‘pebble’…the disgust as he tried to extend the length of his arm past its means as he ran to the house to wash off the ‘rock fragments’… and even the pique at ME, for not warning him in advance that stones in Maine were rarely elongated or a bit curly, nor did they have embedded hair in them. I’m such a wayward wife. I really need to do a better job at protecting Mr. Grumble from himself!

I'll say it again. Oh, dear…

Now, where was I? Oh yes... my husband has voiced a protest. He read my premiere posting on GAG, which recounted the details of our wedding anniversary and how he’d forgotten it (although by the time he saw the article, it was also my featured column in The Irregular) and he took umbrage with me. Oh, not for writing the article…he knows I’m irrepressible when I’ve got the urge to tell a story. His indignation stems from the fact that he believes the story is not factual. He still claims he did not forget our anniversary. And because he didn’t forget, I shouldn’t go around telling people he did.

"Well, honey…if you didn’t forget, what would you call it?”

His brow knits in concentration.

"I simply didn’t realize the month had advanced as quickly as it had!”

“Oh, give me a break! You forgot it was our anniversary!”

“No, Karen, I certainly did not. I simply forgot what the date was! I can prove it! I’ll even show you a check that I wrote out just two days before the fourteenth! I dated it the third!”

I can’t help but smile. Stupidity is an excellent defense. Any good attorney will tell you that.

“Okay, Mr. Grumble, I’ll give you that. You didn’t forget it was our anniversary; you misplaced nine days in August, instead. I do apologize for teasing you about it.”

“Well, all right then.” He wears a look of vindication. “But I’d like you to print a retraction.”

“A retraction…” Hmm. This sounds interesting.

“That’s right. I want your next blog to state that I did not forget our anniversary! I’m not insensitive, and I won’t have people thinking that I am.” Ooh, how resolved is his tone!

“Well, hon, I certainly don’t think I made you out as an uncaring jerk. Just a… mildly distracted one., that is–not jerk.” I smiled. “Are you sure, then, that you’d rather I told the absolute truth? That you are not insensitive, but rather, you merely lost track of more than a week, with no idea where it had gone? Because I’ll do that for you. I love you that much!”

“Thank you.” For my compliance, I receive a pat on my head as he walks by on his way out the door. He’s headed to a meeting, you see. Of the Township’s Historical Society. An August 28th meeting. And this is August 30th. The poor fellow.

I hope the other members didn’t think Mr. Grumble was insensitive when he failed to appear. He’s not. He’s just distracted.

Picking up half-frozen dog turds will do that to a man.


  1. Read your previous blog on bullying and look at you now.. bullying poor Steven.. You got a pat on the head so what more could a girl want?
    Sigh...we husbands are a sorry lot..forever being picked on just because we lose track of incidental stuff like a wedding anniversary.
    You've got us as husbands for goodness sake .. a bit of gratitude please

  2. Oh yes and we don't like dog turds either!

  3. Ah, Ali g, how nice of you to champion poor Mr. Grumble. I'll bet you were a nice young man in school, too. :o)

    See, the thing is, before posting 'Correcting the Record' I read it to Mr. Grumble as he reclined in bed behind me, resting his weary bones. The dear man had a grin on his face throughout. He is the best of sports, and that is because he knows just how GREAT he's got it! He is, after all, married to a VERY forgiving wife!

    And as far as dog turds go...he certainly hesitates, now, before tossing any 'rocks' from the lawn. Which is almost as comical...seeing him minutely inspect each stone before touching. Hehe. (Note to self: Great idea for next anniversary gift...magnifying glass!)

    Glad you've joined the show Ali g. Keep a watch out for contests; I know you're a competitive son of a sea biscuit!

  4. Okay...I wrote 'son of a sea biscuit' without really knowing what a sea biscuit is. I am now fervently hoping that it is a GOOD thing, and not in the same category as a 'field pie'.

  5. Not fair. A man googles 'hooters' hoping to see some nice ladies and get directed to a site with an owl calendar??

  6. Good morning, Trev.

    Rather clever of me, wasn't it? A girl's gotta do what she can to attract new readers!

    Hope you stick around, even though the only boob you'll see here is me... and I mean that as in 'bozo'!

    I'd like to think I'm a rather 'nice lady', though. :o)


  7. Karen, I read your column in the Irregular and LMAO. And somehow ... I doubt that you're making amends with THIS post, hmmm?

  8. Hi Linda!

    Welcome to GAG. :o)

    Yeah, the jury's still out on that. I think, if dear Mr. Grumble manages to remember my upcoming birthday, I'll let him off the hook and make nice. But he's batted about 500 in that department, so I'm not holding my breath. I just hope no one reminds would be nice to know he actually remembered! (And terribly good fodder if he doesn't! Hehe.)

    Please come back again. And feel free to enter the 'Name that Newfie' contest...tell your grands to, as well, if they'd like... The more, the merrier!

    Good night!

  9. This had me cracking up. I look forward to reading more of your blog entries!

  10. Hello there, GiraffeGal123!

    Thank you so much for stopping by, and most especially for leaving a comment that put a smile on my face! I also love that you became a 'follower'. Big smiles! This blogging business is new to me, and every little comment is exciting. It's wonderful for a writer to know that she is being 'read'. So thank you, friend. I hope we hear from you often.

    Feel free to enter the 'Name that Newfie' contest, and I'd love to hear a suggestion from your son, too. Is he a Red Sox fan? There are some 'interesting' names to choose from in that team!


  11. and they say people end up looking like their pets?....couple of Newfies ?
    very nice!

  12. Very nice if you're a fan of Newfies!! (You ARE, aren't you??? The correct response is, 'YES!', just in case you hesitated, there...)

    Hehe. Glad to see you've returned, Ali g. Stay tuned for another blog entry.

    P.S. I do NOT drool! Much...